My New Year's Resolutions

And my favorite "book" of the year

I like making New Year’s resolutions, even if they don’t pan out. And I like hearing other peoples’ New Year’s resolutions, especially if they go beyond “work out more.” I’m stuck inside right now with my 4-year-old who has the flu, so I thought I’d share some of mine while he’s watching a cartoon. (Book recommendations sprinkled throughout). Please share yours, I’m genuinely curious!

1. Get Actively Curious about Spirituality.

   I’ve never developed a meaningful relationship to religion/spirituality. And this past year, I’ve been wondering whether my life might be lacking in some profound ways because of it. I’ve been having tons of conversations with

   Mills, ℭ𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔟𝔩𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔔𝔲𝔞𝔩𝔦𝔞
   about all of this (this post of his is great). Then Tao Lin’s October Granta essay “My Spiritual Evolution,” blew my mind open. It prompted me to dive into Impressions of Near Death Experiences: Quotations from Over 1,000 Experiences and Near Death Experiences in Indigenous Religions. (Spoiler, all of these documented experiences bear striking similarities). I just read Sheila Heti’s Harper’s essay, The New Age Bible: On the Origins of A Course in Miracles,” which was fascinating (and also disturbing). The final paragraphs slayed me. And as I mentioned in a previous post, a colleague showed me a video she recorded of a ghost this year, and it’s now impossible for me to deny that they exist. (Everyone who has seen this video has also been SHOOK, so it’s not just me!)

   All this is to say that in 2025, I want to continue to be actively curious about spirituality, like an early 20s backpacker with a Eurostar pass, except that I’m a 43 year old suburban mom. I’m honestly not sure where it will lead!

2. Write Without Attachment to “Outcome”

   This one may be impossible, and I can only assume it will somehow be linked to my “find spirituality” goal, lmao. I spent about half of 2024 querying a novel, which was my thesis in my MFA program. I’d been working on this book, in various iterations (it was memoir at one point), for about ten years. I queried 35 agents and got eight full manuscript requests (which I’ve been told, ratio-wise, is actually an okay outcome?). All those agents said nice things, but eventually passed. I know that in the numbers game of querying, six months and 35 agents is not that much. But the process sort of broke me. (Stephen Marche’s book On Failure and Writing helped. He basically yells at you the whole time saying “why do you think you’re special?” which I needed lol) Then last summer, I got some particularly brutal market-related feedback (“there are too many mental health meets tech books”) from an agent at a writing conference, and was like, you’re totally right, maybe I need to change the entire book again. Then afterwards I thought: What am I even doing?

   Don’t get me wrong, I love feedback on my writing, especially if it’s constructively critical and delivered by a person I trust. And after some distance, I don’t think that novel itself is very good. On a high level, it needs a plot overhaul (I learned a lot by reading John Truby’s Anatomy of a Story and taking

   Leigh Stein
   ’s fabulous “Plot Curious” class this year. (PSA if you’re thinking of getting an MFA: incredibly, they don’t really teach plot!) On a deeper level, I think the book, after I churned it over and over again through so much feedback, is inauthentic to my lived experience (I may go into this more in another post).

   But what I realized through querying is that I have an extremely unhealthy attachment to external validation, which extends to even more problematic arenas of my life than just: can I get an agent within the 2024/2025 publishing industry landscape, lol. I don’t think it’s impossible to get rid of that entirely, but I want start to question/battle it. Toward that end, I want to just start writing without attachment to any “outcome.” I want to write without constantly thinking: will someone like this and be able to sell it and therefore will I be validated as a human? That’s gonna be hard for me. But it’s a resolution to try!

   In between mom-ing, I’m working on a new novel now. It’s a comedy about a newly pregnant stay-at-home mom who sneaks into the nation’s most prestigious writing conference only to compete with her hot shot MFA boyfriend for a career-launching book deal. It’s turning out absolutely absurd and I’m having fun. Honestly, I’m not sure I will even query it when I’m done. Maybe I’ll try to self publish it (here?), or maybe I’ll just be like: anyone want out there want to read it? If so I’ll print it and send it to you. Maybe I’ll have my four year old design the cover. (He’s a great artist!) I just want to focus on enjoyment, craft, and finding meaning in the work. Kinda like gardening, I guess. And if I make one person’s day incrementally better with a plant I grew, it’ll be worth it. That’s a pretty cheesy metaphor but my kid needs apple sauce right now so I’m just going to leave it. Anyway, we will see how this goes. It’s a lifetime of unraveling.

3. Stop Paying Attention to Trending Parenting Advice

   I’m done with the Dr. Beckys. I was influenced, I tried. There are some good nuggets I guess, but the modern parenting advice industrial complex is making me want to vomit. Perhaps this is because I have six year old identical twins, and a lot of the advice is completely impractical for me to implement. (As an aside, my favorite nonfiction book of the year was How to Be Multiple: The Philosophy of Twins by Helena de Bres). But also, a bulk of modern parenting advice is 1) not research based and 2) garbage. Just read this The Cut piece on parents who don’t believe in teaching sharing.

   In 2025, I want to stop paying attention to all of that and just do what I think is right for my three boys, who are all, as they say, “spirited children.” Even if that means yelling “NO!” on a playground while a bunch of positive parenting moms scowl at me and then try to feed their kids kale chips.

4. Plug My Phone Into the Wall When I’m Home

   I tried this last year, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that it resulted in one of my most significant mental health improvements outside of my meds. I simply plugged my phone into the wall instead of carrying it around in my back pocket. It reduced my screen time by like 60 percent. Of course, this experiment only lasted about a month, because once I slipped up, I was again powerless over my phone. (Addiction!) But I’m going to try in earnest again in 2025. Wish me luck.

5. Eat More Soup

   Context: Soup is The Ingredient to a Long, Healthy Life

6. Pet My Dog Whenever Possible

   He’s getting old and I love him.

   

My favorite book I read this year was not written this year. And it’s not even a novel. It’s Fleabag: The Scriptures. Fleabag is one of my favorite shows of all time. Season 2 (“The Hot Priest Season”) is a perfect season of television IMO. And reading through the screenplays, have an even deeper appreciation/admiration for Phoebe Waller Bridge’s genius. (I also want to read more screenplays in 2025, they’re fun!)

Novels I loved that came out this year: Margot’s Got Money Troubles by Rufi Thorpe, Victim by

Andrew Boryga

, and Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar.

Right now I’m reading The Anthropologists by Aysegül Savas and Rental House by Weike Wang. Loving them both.

Happy New Year everyone! Time to go pet my dog.